Scam Hunting - the bitter-sweetness of it all

We've been through some rules of scam previously. We've also delved into some of the psychology that drives these lazy sods to cheat. 

Perhaps the most obvious driver, which we have yet to mention explicitly, is the need for these liars to appear cleverer than the people with the misfortune to be exposed to their brain-flatulence.  They want all of us to look at their work and think "wow, I wish I had thought of that, these guys are amazing" etc. etc....

Have a look at this stinker below:

Yes, there were certainly three executions, as per scam norm for the purposes of future entries into award shows as a scampaign (i didn't feel like uploading all three, but let me tell you the others don't require much imagination on your part, it's a case of seen one, seen them all). There's also the tell-tale miniscule logo on the bottom right corner. Let's not forget that trademark simple visual which requires so little work, just a quick google image search and 30 seconds spent in photoshop. 

This particular one though, is an excellent example of the psychology behind scamming, as mentioned earlier. Although it dismally fails as it's so blatantly trying too hard.

An ad for a bitter sweet sauce... driven by visuals of everyday fruit with a pepper stem? The execution couldn't be more forced than the sad, puppy-eyed look I try and put on after I run scammers over with my truck.

death, destruction and scam

No, it's not an ad for chili sauce you absolute dumbass.. why would you expect a straight-forward ad from this collection of fake ads anyway?  

The line reads "Fear No Stains", and the "ad" is, in fact (not really an ad) for some type of bleach. What brand it is, I can't tell you for, as you know, the logo and actual product is always way too small and hidden in it's natural scam-bitat in the bottom right hand corner.  It's like they took an ad for hot sauce and put a stain removal brand logo on it.. really minimal work. Amazing!

This beauty sure takes scam attempts to shock to levels previously unknown to the ad world.. associating stains with civil unrest, death, violence and destruction seems somewhat of an overkill innit?

Any Way You Bend It, It Still Stinks

Wow, plastic surgery has come a long way since the days when the only way to prevent aging was to kill yourself at 25. These days, a little old book can walk into a surgeon's rooms and come out as one of the illustrations in its pages. Or perhaps these days you can go into a consultation and have your girlfriend permanently attached to you by the genitals? Sounds like like a good idea, until you realise the implications with regard to getting into taxis and the seats at the movies.

The only position this crap is getting into is the bottom of my scam folder.

Sheer Poetry

Hello my pretties. It has been many moons since The Oracle consulted his own cutting insight and vast resources of knowledge in the pursuit of justice in this fallen world. Fear not, The Oracle has not been recalled to assume his place amongst the gods. I was just working quite hard for a while.

It is thus fitting that I return to the Crusade with this magnificent article. When I first glanced at the thumbnail, I thought that a large bird had crapped on a layout pad. "Hmmm," I thought, "Interesting use of media." But alas, I was disappointed. And not for the first time.

Those of you who have bothered to read any of our other posts would have already established the scammish nature of this work just by observing the bottom right corner. I would say that this ad is for stain remover, but it's not really an ad, is it?

One thing that it has done is inspire me to write a poem - a haiku, in fact. Please humour me as I pen my thoughts.

In my throat a lump
Do my emotions fail me?
No it is vomit

The fine line between "art" and advertising

Kids, note how so many of our examples are so closely related to art. The reason for that is because "advertising" that doesn't really advertise anything is indeed art, it's just pretty... sometimes. The difference between scam and art arises in that art inspires you in some way, makes you think about things differently and challenges those around us to see life in a whole new light. Scam just makes you laugh, and sometimes queasy. 

Well now, look what have we here...An execution for the "China Organization Against Domestic Violence", entitled "Shadow".

Upon closer inspection, you can see that the little cute smiling boy is actually illustrated with millions of other kids being abused in the most interesting ways. Some are being shoved into a washing machine, others are being stretched like Mr Fantastic in Fantastic Four. Yet others are being flung by Superman with his super human strength across tall buildings. Amazing how mean some super heroes can be...

But what interests me is the idea behind the execution. A picture of a face made up of other, horrible horrible things (in this case Superman beating up children) certainly isn't fresh. Many other pieces of artwork have already used the same concept. But to call the execution in question "Shadow", along with the body copy calling on others to help children "living under the shadow of domestic violence"... WTF?! 

The image is one of a happy, smiley kid. There isn't one ounce of shadow being cast anywhere in this execution.. shouldn't the body copy have read something along the lines of "every happy kid is made up of thousands who have the shit kicked out of them regularly"? It certainly would have made a lot more sense.

Did the AD and CW sit together at any stage when they did this? Maybe they thought no one would notice because the art work is so awesome.. but wait.. they never considered that it's been done, makes fokol sense and is, at the core, pretty ugly. 

Being all knowing, I know that the only place where this sort of trash would be considered even remotely close to advertising is in Scam City.

chain up these cheats!

What a noble cause, to encourage everyone to support the education for young girls in India. Unfortunately, the Scammers have yet again sullied this worthwhile cause for personal gains.

Allegedly, according to the rationale, the cut-out cardboard of the little girl holds a chain link in parking lots. On the link, there's some drivel about  how you hold the education of the little cute cardboard girl (representing all young girls in India, one is meant to presume) in your hands, and your hands alone.

Now, these dirty, selfish, attention-seeking and fame-hungry ho's of creatives would want car drivers to stop, get out of their cars, remove the chain, get back in their cars, park their cars and then replace the chain for this piece of scambient to have its maximum impact. 

All seems so darn convenient in the rationale, but I can't help wondering "What part of this process comes across as convenient? Would irate drivers not just 

(a)drive over the manipulative piece of cardboard (complete with look-at-me-i'm-a-sad-little-girl-who-needs-education face), or

(b) the more likely route, to just NOT replace the chain once they've parked? In which case most of the idea is lost anyway..."

I know, I know, amazing piece of insight. It comes naturally.

Luckily for you green-horn scam hunters, there are some other tell-tale signs. Firstly, how on this Earth would a cardboard cut-out ever hold up to the weight of a metal chain, I would never know. More so, the shitty photoshopped image also doesn't cast a compelling enough shadow for this EVER to be real.. never.. ever.

Get Me Some Eyeplugs

Hmmm... An ad for sleeping pills. Quick, witty - you might even say intelligent. Except a glance at the logo indicates that the product is earplugs... are earplugs?... is earplugs? Actually, who gives a crap. If you're reading this blog, you've got enough insight to know what I'm talking about.

The bottom line is that earplug people don't make legit ads. "How can you say that?!" I hear all the goddamn hippies gasping in unison. Well, my badly-coiffed, vegetarian friends, when last did you see an earplug ad? Even if - for some bizarre reason - some company selling foam rubber pellets did decide to spend on a nice glossy DPS, where would they publish it? I can assure you that earplugs are used far more by hairy men with chainsaws and the guys who run around aircraft carriers carrying bombs all day than they are by mildly attractive female crack addicts (as above the scamvertisment would have us believe). Think about that for a second.

Then think about this: "More creatives are killed each year as a direct result of publishing scam than are crushed by Mac monitors."

There's a lesson to be learnt here. And it's got nothing to do with computers.

Passing judgement on scam

I have a problem with feet. I'm not ashamed to admit that. 

As  the following piece of foot-rot of an ad involves a graphic visual of  human cheese processors, I had to refer the consultation to one of our other colleagues, The Honorable Judge.

Below is the visual and what The Honorable Judge passed as his judgement. 

"The evidence brought forward by the Plaintiff - The Prophet (here-on-to-hence-forth referred to as P) in the case of 'P vs Brazilian Ad Scammers' (the latter, here-on-to-hence-forth referred to as THE SCAMMERS) brought in question as to whether the execution displays a gross intent of ad scamming.

As the real Big Idea behind advertising is to sell a product, and not to deter potential consumers from:

(i) engaging with The Brand,

(ii) purchasing products offered by the said Brand, and

(iii) learned Judges such as I always need a third sub-point in order to demonstrate our condemnation of grotesque violation of The Code of Good Advertising Practice, as stipulated under Act 98 of 1764, Section 31C, Subsection (iv) - (aa -af).

The main point of contention arose in this case whereby the accused  (THE SCAMMERS) displays objectionable object(s) - in this case a visual of human feet - and whether the object(s) grossly violates the Premium nature of the brand, an affirmative answer of which would demonstrate 'questionable Strategic Objectives'. 

'Questionable Strategic Objectives' weighs heavily against the accused, on a balance of probabilities that the "ad" in question indeed violates  The Code of Good Advertising Practice, as stipulated under Act 98 of 1764, Section 31C, Subsection (iv) - (aa -af). 

Evidence presented regarding  the offending object(s) in the promotion of a Premium wine brand indeed shows that: 

'The foot has more than 250,000 sweat glands. It's the mixture of sweat and bacteria in our shoes and socks that makes feet smelly.'

The discongruency shown by the evidence brought to light indeed proves that the object(s) in question do not marry the Premium nature of the brand, as no consumer who fit under the description of 'sound and reasonable mind' would want to be reminded of how the primary ingredient in their $X bottle of wine was processed with the use of such unhygienic body parts, and in such unhygienic fashion.

As such, the evidence precludes me from finding in favour of THE SCAMMERS, as was precedented in the case of P vs The Saudi Scammers in Case  76, 2004 (CHS)."

______________________________________________________________________

SO: there you have it, Scam-Hating Friends. Can't really argue against that can you? I guess you can always take it up on appeal but all i can say is "good luck".

Domestic Violence Is Bad. Unless Directed At This Creative Team

For those of you who were experiencing cold sweats and uncontrolled vomiting because your addiction to Scam Hunters has not been satisfied over the past two weeks, I say this: "Shit happens". People don't pay me to write this. They pay me to do my other job. And you people can't fire me either.

The Prophet and I spent some time on the slopes of Mt Fuji undergoing a refresher course in the art of the Ninja. Basically, we snuck around in the shadows inflicting mortal wounds on unsuspecting passersby. So don't ever fuck with us. Ever.

Now to the business at hand.

Keeping to the Asian theme of this post, I have chosen a Chinese piece to slaughter. I bet the creative team who dreamt up this scamtastic piece of nonsense are rubbing their hands together with glee, thinking that they have tricked the world into believing their wicked lies. As a trained ninja, I instinctively know that this is the time to strike.

One question: Do people in China save envelopes for use later? Perhaps their bleached rectangular forms hold a special significance for people with a Confucian worldview? I only ask this because the success of this scampiece is dependent on reversing a million years of human evolution that commands us to tear the top edge of an envelope. Those damn hippie types might occasionally tear the short side when someone else is watching them, but they only do that because they think it makes them appear different and thus interesting. Idiots.

The makers of this tripe expect it to, "Hopefully shock people". I'll tell you what will shock people: finding the entire creative team face-down in the canteen with six ninja stars in their backs.

Cutting down Scammers

I think i threw up in my mouth a little when i saw this piece of crap.

In the rationale, the scammers alluded to some gibberish about getting "dealers and distributors excited about the new, special high-performance, battery-operated Bosch Rotak 43 LI lawn mower - with the help of an exceptional calender blah blah blah".

So.... does that mean that the dealers need to tear off every page for a whole year before they understand that the main product benefit for the lawn mower is that it cuts grass perfectly? Wait, did they even NEED a high-costing production for them to understand that? 

Give the dealers some credit, my German Scammers, just because the dealers don't sit around an office using words like "scamping", "conceptualising" and "brand personality" doesn't mean that they don't know what a lawn mower does. 

In the rationale, these dirty Scammers also claimed that the calender became a highly coveted collectors item. Must be because there are so many people wanting to point and laugh at this piece of trash.

Almost Believable. PSYCH!

Photoshop is not reality, people. Just because you can drag something around on a Mac, "change the levels", "add layers" and "deep etch" them (whatever that means) doesn't make it real. If Photoshop was reality, I'd be paying child maintenance to Angelina Jolie right now, so believe me, I know. Sometimes, Photoshop can make things look real. Apparently not this time.

Are there no real clients in India that agencies there have to resort to scambient, scamailers, scam print and scamperiential all the time? It's one thing to hack up a bit of scam from way back in your throat if it's a brilliant concept that a real client would never buy, but to spend thirty (make that fifteen) seconds of your life cobbling together something like this is inexcusable. The best bit is the "Response" thing in the bottom right. That's real comedy!

I would love to say that this is at least a good ad for Photoshop, if nothing else. But I can't. "Innovative, factual and hard-hitting!" More like "Scam, scam and scam!".

Directly into the Scam bin

Whether this is an interesting exercise in brand positioning or the result of a strategist on hardcore intravenous drugs isn’t really the issue, but allegedly, the Hyderabad International Convention Center in India saw it fit to advertise their venue – not for high-powered business conferences, no friends, but rather as the number one choice as a wedding venue.

The inspired copy in this direct sca-mailer reads “It's the journey of a lifetime. Let it begin in top gear.” What pushes this piece of cutting edge thinking wasn’t this line alone, however. Lucky recipients also received a scaled model of a typical wedding car – apparently a “very important part of the celebrations”.

Given that direct mailers are probably THE most measurable marketing tool for those of us in the communications industry – yet these creatives have chosen to not show any of the results for this break-through piece of work. It does indeed make one wonder as to the legitimacy of this trash. Throw in to this mix non-existent strategic reasoning and cultural practices unknown to 90% of the world and it's blatantly obvious that these scammers are trying just a little bit too hard.

Wow… this one was just too easy.

Murky waters...

Here's something you won't hear from us Scam Hunters very often, but here are some ads that ACTUALLY might deliver on some true strategic objectives...

That is, provided that the original strategist was high on dope (or whatever it is they smoke in Bangladesh, where this scampaign originated). Are there, in fact, ANY brands in Bangladesh? Who knows, but interesting to see scammers hard at work anyway.

There's also the issue of the banal execution and the blatant rip-off of other, more famous brand's tagline which all point to signs of scam.

Let me tell you something Dear Bangladeshi Scammers.. the best way to get refreshed is to hunt down some scam. Luckily for you, you won't have to head too far to see some of that crap.

Not Scam

It may be shit, but at least it's real. And informative. Which is more than most can say. Hell, I didn't know the dinosaurs died because of safety belts. There I was believing all that meteorite nonsense. I am truly amazed...

A Shining Example of Nothing

One good way to cut through the clutter (God, I love advertising) at award shows is to do an ad for a product that doesn't often advertise. Coincidentally (or not), it's also a good way to spot scam. I have been alive for longer than I can remember, and I can say in all good conscience that my eyes have not had the pleasure of beholding an ad for shoe polish in the press, or anywhere else outside the Scamiverse.

What, pray tell, might have inspired Kiwi to suddenly spend money on a "legit" ad all of a sudden (not even a campaign)? Perhaps it was the stunning imagery and beautiful artistry of this piece of work (I mean that in the derogatory sense. Obviously)? Perhaps it was the brilliance of the cutting-edge thinking? Perhaps it was the unhealthy glow on the subject's jowls? Perhaps not.

There's a stink on my shoe, and it's not from my shoe polish. I think I just stepped on a steaming pile of Scam.

A Slice of Scam. With Extra Cheese

Is there a shortage of pimply sixteen-year-olds who need money to fund their underage drinking binges that I don't know about? Since when do pizza joints spend more than 5 cents on a dogeared photocopy taped to the store window to advertise for delivery guys? Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if these scamimals are pitching this drivel as a building wrap on the Empire State. You know the (actually "my") saying, "The bigger the lie, the easier it is to believe"? It's what I told George Bush when he popped round to clean my pool while he was wondering how to pull off Operation: Scam the World. He mixes a mean Mojito, by the way.

The contrived visual is the least of my concerns. I would believe this ad if it said: "Sod off, we've got more than enough drivers. So don't even ask." In it's current format, however, I'm not convinced. And when I'm not convinced, it means one thing. The Italians say, "il Scamino", I believe.

Pissing contest

"Bref Lemon WC Gel"

Correct me if I'm wrong - which, by the way, I'm not - but "WC Gel" refers to the hand soap available in public bathrooms for one to use after one has done his/her business right?

So what has this Turkish creative team been snorting in their bathrooms? The idea that the entire bathroom smells like a fresh lemon tree does work, but is this dude pissing in the basin, the source of the lemon-goodness? Or is this in fact a lemonade ad and the product differentiator is that the original tree from whence the lemonade originated was fertilised only with organic fertilisers?

A sure sign of scam, as we've learnt by now, is that the scammers seldom feel the need to ensure that there is zero confusion in the target audiences' minds on:

(a) what the product is, and

(b) what the product does.

Seeing that neither of these objectives were met, coupled with a visual that only serves to confuse the reader even more, I have no doubt that:

(a) This is indeed sub-par

(b) The creative team probably snorted something far more toxic than handsoap during conceptualisation, and

(c) They were hoping to get away with some dodgy Scam.

Scamnesty International

Oh, poor, poor NGOs. Oh, how your good works are violated on the altar of so-called "creativity". This powerful piece of communication is sure to get the Olympics taken from Beijing - the People's Republic must be shaking in its boots.

Not quite sure where an ad like this might appear (besides the Scam folder on my desktop), and I would wager the first sixteen inches of my John Thomas that the creatives behind this scam weren't sure either. Not that it matters. After all, it's easy to forget the suffering of millions after a couple of Martinis at a Cannes after-party.

Here's an equation you might want to write down and learn off by heart:

Tragedy+Anniversary+AI = Scam

The Grail! It Is Found!

This is it. If you're addicted to Scam, you had better not look at this, because you will OD and die in a pool of vomit on your office floor.

The only surer sign of Scam than a fictional or microscopic logo is an ad that doesn't have a logo at all. This beauty - this Perfect Scam - defies the impossible by being an ad. For nothing. It would seem that, while they dominate world markets, our friends from the Land of the Dragon are also trying to dominate advertising sites at all costs (including this one, it would seem). As a wise Scammer (me) once said of advertising and Chinese imports in general, "Quantity has a quality all of its own."

If you don't know what the hell this ad is about, take a number and get in line. Killing animals is profitable, we all know that. And if we didn't, we do now. In fact, I'm reaching for my 12-gauge and an M-16 carbine to go git me some beer money right now... On second thought, I'll take my Yen-shaped catapult instead.

The creators of this scam saw fit to include the explanation: "Yama is the Lord of Death". I admit, I didn't know that. What I do know is that I am the Lord of Scam and the souls of these creatives are mine!

Fight the right fight, against Scam

Kill guns.. what would we want to do that for? It'd far too inhumane to line the Scammers who sucked this shoddy piece of work out of the bottom of the Scam barrel and shoot them with a crossbow wouldn't it?

The completely mind-numbingly banal concept aside (Kill guns with what? another gun?), I thought I'd give these clever-asses out of the Middle East a chance and try and look up the organisation called RIFL. Ever heard of it? Nope. And neither has Google, it'd seem. The only search results (totalling 2 pages) returned were linked to this heinous piece of scam.

Really wanting to disprove myself on my initial fears, i typed in the url featured at the bottom of the "ad". The good news is that there IS indeed a website with RIFL's logo.. but ZERO contact details. I couldn't even donate money if I wanted to.... A real and legitimate organisation? I think not.

There you have it.. these scammers dreamt up a shitty concept, then tried to pass it off as the real deal by either craftily inventing a "client" or by finding such an obscure one that they wouldn't even need to show them the work. Scamtastic!

Now someone drag them out and shoot them like the scum they are...

This would leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth

After a short hiatus to keep our eye on the Scam pouring into the Loeries Awards this year, we're pleased to announce that we are turning our attention back to bring you examples from the dirty world of Scamvertising.

Below is our latest spotting:

What probably started out as a guerilla idea - which was hopefully turfed by the CD's, if they know any better - became forced into this awkward piece of print Scam. With such a shallow concept and poor re-touching, I'm surprised magazines would even consider running this piece of cheesy crap. What's more, if any client ever came across this execution, they would surely have fired at least the creative team who schemed this up - leaving the Scammers no choice but to flight it in Ads of The World - in their ridiculous attempt at convincing everyone that this was legit.

Maybe they should stop eating so much of this cheesy goodness and go back to brainstorming on some real campaigns.

The Numbers Never Lie

Right... When people make real ads, there is a process. That process generally (although not always) starts with a client asking for an ad or campaign to achieve a specific objective. When people make scam, there is also a process. That process generally starts with either one of the creative team sticking their fingers down their throat. What comes out quite regularly looks like what we have here.

Cryptic to the point of obscurity, questionable content and unachieved outcome. We have yet another unholy trinity of scam. 90-60-90-Bullshit.

Universal language of Scam

Being all-knowledgeable is a wonderful thing. It allows one to be condescending towards just about everyone else. It also allows one to spot Scam like there's no tomorrow.

The above exhibit piece of scambient work out of China for Head and Shoulders was allegedly placed on a golf driving range, more specifically on the mats where golfers hit their golf balls off.

One blatant inconsistency (apart from The Oracle's previous tip on Scam Hunting in the ambient duster) for this to be a real campaign is in the strapline itself. The printed "drive dandruff away" strapline probably wouldn't be understood by 80% of the Chinese population in its English form. What's more, had the line been translated into the official language of Mandarin Chinese, it would make as much sense as french-kissing one's sister.

Write this piece of Scam off

Someone should consider a Movement Against Scamvertising Day, maybe then we wouldn't see this kind of sub-par crap:

I know it hurts your fragile eyes to have to see Scam like this, but what I'm about to tell you will make you laugh SO hard that it'll kinda be worth the pain..

This piece of very weak metaphor and art direction was overseen by 3 Creative Directors, 3 Copywriters and a lone Art Director. Can you imagine? What the hell did each of them contribute? One letter per person??

This kinda Scam just goes to show that sometimes 7 heads isn't better than one.

Stick To Making Real Ads

Shameless. That's how I would describe this little bucket of fun. Perhaps the surest sign of a citizen of Scamia is a wholly inappropriate, over-thought, over-sophisticated execution to sell an entirely functional product. Do these scammers really think that I'm going to chose their tape over the next one because you can make pretty (make that pretty damn ugly) pictures with it, provided you're creative and jobless, with a year or two to waste?

There is no reason to go super-clever when you're selling masking tape, unless it illustrates how good the tape is. Personally, I'd go for the one that says "Sticks Like Shit To A Blanket", and I think most of you would too.

This isn't clever. It isn't art. It isn't good. Which means it can only be one other thing. And by now, I think we all know what that is...